In 2007 I started thinking out loud about aging and ageism right here. Thank you so much for reading, subscribing, and sticking with me. It’s been a great run, and I’ll be maintaining the blog and website as an archive for us all.
As of today I’ll be posting to my new Substack, called Things I Used to Say. It’s free and will stay free. As I explain on the About page, I’m going to keep writing about age and ageism. Please scroll down, subscribe, and give me a little time to hit my stride. I’m also going to tackle a wider range of topics that interest me and I hope will interest you too. Let me know!
Have you noticed the recent spate of articles about “greedy geezers” hoarding wealth and power at the expense of the young? Born 50 years apart, my GoGenerate colleague Arielle Galinsky and I see things very differently. We’re allies, not competitors. Yes, there’s a legitimate “us vs. them” dynamic narrative in play, but it’s not old against young. It’s the rich and powerful vs. the rest of us.
Today’s the day to join the Centre for Ageing Better in questioning #ageism. “Too old” for something? Not appropriate “for your age?” Those ways of thinking are ageist. No matter what you decide to do if you hear phrases like these, “remember that when we question ageism, we challenge it. And the more we challenge it, the more we start to change it.”
Last week I was strolling to the subway through picturesque Greenwich Village at dusk, enjoying the spring evening. As I was crossing Bank Street, I saw another older woman crossing from the other side trip and fall. Instantly several people came over to see if she needed help. She was shaken and had bruised her knees, but was completely clear-headed. Several young people helped her back on her feet, and she told them she was OK. I assured them, truthfully, that I was happy to stay with her. I said the same to others who came up to see if the two old women with canes needed any help. New York is like that.
The woman rubbed her knees gingerly and ascertained that nothing was seriously awry. Also that maybe she should take a cab the rest of the way home. I seconded that idea, and offered to walk her across Hudson Street and put her in one.
The woman had excellent lipstick and a twinkle in her eye. As we crossed the street she said with an emphatic sigh, “I was doing so well.”
I don’t have much of a filter. I burst out laughing, and said, “I say that all the time.” Then blurted, “I hope you know I’m not laughing at you.”
The way we grow old is governed by a whole range of variables—including environment, personality, and genes, compounded by class, gender, race, luck, and the churnings of the global economy—over which we have varying degrees of control. What’s one thing we can control? Our attitudes.
Now “Becca Levy and her research collaborator Martin Slade are at it again,” as Ken Stern puts it in his Longevity Project newsletter. Their new study, Aging Redefined: Cognitive and Physical Improvement with Positive Age Beliefs, challenges the common assumption that cognitive and physical decline is inevitable and irreversible. Ken did such a good job summarizing the study that, with permission, I’m quoting him length:
“To test the accuracy of that assumption, the researchers looked at 11,000 adults in the Health and Retirement Study to measure changes in cognitive abilities and physical health (as measured by walking speed) over the course of a dozen years.
“What [Levy and Slade] found is nothing short of revolutionary (emphasis added). While on average the group did decline in both cognitive and physical capacities over the twelve-year study period, there was enormous variability in the group. Roughly 32% of the group showed improved cognitive abilities and 28% improved physically – and almost half the cohort exhibited one form of improvement or the other. It’s an astonishing rejection of the notion of inevitable decline.
“The best predictor of who would show improvement and who would show decline was attitudes about aging. All participants were tested for ‘age beliefs,’ measured at baseline using the five-item Attitude Toward Aging subscale from the Philadelphia Geriatric Center Morale Scale. The more positive the attitude toward aging, the more likely the odds of physical or cognitive improvement, even after holding constant for other indicia of aging like gender, education, marital status, or sleep habits.
“What is left unanswered is the biological mechanism: whether those healthier agers succeeded because of greater brain plasticity or cell regeneration or something else. But it is nonetheless an extraordinary statement about the possibility of not just maintaining health as we age, but actually improving it.”
This post is by Deb Benfield, MEd, RDN/LDN, RYT, a nutrition therapist and body image coach with over 40 years of experience helping people heal their relationship with food, movement, and their bodies. She is the author of Unapologetic Aging: How to Mend and Nourish Your Relationship with Your Body, which invites readers to challenge ageism and diet culture while cultivating body liberation in midlife and beyond.
When most people hear the word ageism, they think of discrimination in the workplace or healthcare, stereotypes in the media, or the way society sidelines us as we become older. Yes, those things are real and harmful.
But one of the most powerful—and painful—forms of ageism is the kind we carry as part of our body stories.
What is Internalized Ageism?
Internalized ageism occurs when cultural messages about aging—such as “you’re less valuable as you get older,” “youth is beauty,” and “aging is decline”—become part of the way you talk to yourself and even shape your identity. It’s the voice in your head that makes you cringe at noticing your softer body or new lines around your lips or eyes, feel invisible in a room full of younger people, or believe your worth is tied to how successful you are in fighting your body as you age, or not looking your age.
It’s sneaky. It shows up in the quiet moments:
Avoiding the camera or selfies because you don’t like how you look now.
Feeling body shame when you catch a glimpse of your reflection or when your jeans fit differently.
Believing you “should” work harder to maintain a certain weight, fitness level, or appearance to stay relevant or “cool”.
Worrying that growing older means becoming less lovable, desirable, or capable.
These thoughts don’t come out of nowhere. They’re planted and nurtured by a culture that idolizes youth and thinness, and teaches us, from fairy tales to advertising, that to look our age is to be undesirable and less worthy.
Why It Matters
Internalized ageism doesn’t just harm your self-esteem. It can:
Impact your health choices: leading you toward restrictive diets, overexercise, or trying unnecessary supplements in the pursuit of “staying young.”
Increased anxiety and depression: studies show that negative beliefs about aging are directly linked to poorer mental health outcomes.
Diminish your sense of possibility: when you believe your best years are behind you, you stop dreaming, creating, and stepping into new opportunities.
Interrupt your relationships: shame and self-criticism can distance you from intimacy, friendship, and meaningful connections within your community.
Research by Yale professor Becca Levy reveals the profound impact of our beliefs about aging. In fact, she’s found that people with more positive perceptions of aging live, on average, 7.5 years longer than those with negative ones. That’s not because their bodies are inherently different, but because mindset shapes everything from stress levels to cardiovascular health to how likely we are to engage in nourishing behaviors. Internalized ageism isn’t just a passing thought—it has a direct impact on our well-being.
Untangling From Ageism: Why It’s Worth It
Breaking free from internalized ageism isn’t about denying the realities of aging or layering on toxic positivity. It’s about releasing the inherited beliefs that have shaped your body story in limiting ways. You are still becoming—still unfolding into your most authentic self—through every season of life. Unlearning these beliefs can bring vitality, freedom, and a more profound sense of liberation as you age.
When you begin to notice and challenge those inherited beliefs, you create space to:
Respect your body as your lifelong companion, not your enemy.
Redefine beauty and vitality on your own terms, beyond the narrow standards sold to us.
Step into new freedom—to dress, eat, move, and live in ways that feel good, not ways that are flattering and acceptable “at your age”.
Cultivate ease and a sense of belonging with yourself and with others who are also choosing liberation over shame.
The truth is, you don’t need to fight or hide your age. You get to live it—fully, unapologetically, and without shrinking yourself to fit someone else’s ideal.
Midlife and beyond is the perfect time to stop allowing others to define you.
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A Gentle Invitation
The first step is simply noticing when those ageist thoughts arise. If this sounds daunting, start by focusing on how you speak to yourself at a specific time of day, such as when you’re getting dressed or washing your face at the end of the day. Instead of letting your inner mean girl run the show, ask yourself: Where did this belief come from, or my personal favorite, “Who says?” Do I want to remain confined and contained by this mess?
Every time you question your body stories, you loosen their grip. Over time, this creates enough space for you to establish a new relationship with yourself—one rooted in respect, compassion, freedom, and perhaps some confidence.
The research is clear—what we believe about our aging bodies shapes not just how we feel about ourselves, but how we live. And that means you have power here.
So I’ll leave you with this:
✨ If internalized ageism can literally shorten your life, are you willing to keep carrying those beliefs? Or is it time to disrupt them—for your health, your freedom, and your vitality?
In anxious times we look for scapegoats, so boomer-bashing is on the rise. Wondering how to push back? Here’s a quiz:
Cheer up, they’re dying off!
The boomers invented [the internet/water bed/etc.]. What does your [entitled/tech-addicted/etc.] generation have to show for itself?
It’s about class, not age.
It’s easier to point fingers than to address what’s actually going on. So blame the actual culprits: the rich. The politicians, lobbyists, technocrats, and corporate leaders who’ve shaped a system that benefits other wealthy people at the expense of the common good. Since the financial crisis of 2008, almost 100% of the country’s economic growth has gone to the to the families of the 1%, and they’re doing just fine. As for the underlying forces, blame predatory capitalism, unfettered by shifting political power. It’s not about age. It’s about class.
Both the 1% and the 99% are made up of all ages.
Americans born into the postwar economic boom were indeed demographically fortunate. The benefits, however, were not evenly distributed. As leading economists have long pointed out, growing wealth disparity within different age cohorts (not between them) underlies the shrinking prospects of ordinary Americans. It’s about class, not age.
For a clear explanation of what happened to the more egalitarian social contract that followed World War II, and who benefited from its destruction, read No, the Boomers Did Not Take It All in The American Prospect, by journalist Robert Kuttner. Hint: “It wasn’t ‘boomers’….It was Ronald Reagan and the presidents who followed.” Including the Democrats. It’s not about political party or “gerontocracy.” It’s about class and power.
Media coverage is not neutral.
Kuttner’s article is subtitled, “Why is the New York Times validating the generational myth, as opposed to taking a hard look at power and class?” Because the status quo serves the New York Times Company’s neoliberal agenda quite nicely; why upset the apple cart? That agenda prioritizes protecting private property over providing social services—services that disproportionately benefit the young and the old. Old people make better targets than kids, and much New York Times coverage is ageist. (Age advocate Stella Fosse lays out the paper’s sorry record on age bias here.)
Most mainstream media outlets are for-profit companies with sharp eyes on the bottom line. Editors know that generational labels attract readers, and that conflict = clickbait. Of course media outlets have options, and could choose not to advance the misleading narrative that the old profit at the expense of the young—especially in these divided times. Check out journalist Sheila Callaham’s analysis in Forbes of how the Wall Street Journal and the New York Times covered the same story: older Americans not selling their homes. Guess which one steered clear of the “boomers caused the housing crisis” trope?
Look beyond date-of-birth.
Yes, people born in the aftermath of WWII were lucky. That doesn’t make them the enemy. The housing shortage isn’t a selfish-old-person problem, it’s a housing-market problem. It’s a result of policy failures compounded by economic barriers and demographic shifts, and it affects Americans across the age spectrum. Only the wealthy are protected.It’s about class, not age.
Far more resources have always flowed from old to young. That’s as it should be. Already underway, the Great Wealth Transfer is moving an unprecedented $124 trillion from older to younger Americans. However, as with the postwar economic boom, the benefits are not equally distributed. Although high- and ultra-high-net-worth households make up only 2% of American households, they’ll receive over half that money and will pass it on to their already-super-rich children.
Don’t let age divide us.
In 2023 the Pew Research Center stopped using generational labels to avoid contributing to generational conflict, and suggested that others follow suit. The more energy we waste on generational finger-pointing, the less likely we are to join forces to demand a society that works for all ages. Blaming America’s ills on old people—or on immigrants or feminists or trans folks, for that matter—divides us and distracts us from what’s actually going on. The only winners in this blame game are the ultra-wealthy. Once again, it’s about class, not age.
The story we need to tell isn’t about boomers vs. millennials. It’s about the rich and powerful vs. the rest of us.
That’s the title of my latest newsletter. I know you’re in it for the pictures, and this one has lot’s of ’em. Here’s one to whet your appetite: me on stage with the genuinely fabulous Rita Moreno in Oakland on October 7. She is hilarious—and I made her laugh too 😀
