This Chair Rocks

People are happiest at the beginnings and the ends of their lives. Only 2.5% of Americans over 65 live in nursing homes. Older people enjoy better mental health than the young or middle-aged. Dementia rates are falling, fast. So how come so many of us unthinkingly assume that depression, diapers, and dementia lie ahead? That the 20th century’s astonishing leap in life expectancy is a disaster-in-the making? Underlying all the hand-wringing is ageism: discrimination that sidelines and silences older people. So I’ve written a book. I blog about it. I led the team that developed Old School, a clearinghouse of anti-ageism resources. I am the voice of Yo, Is This Ageist? (Go ahead, ask me.) I’ve written a consciousness-raising booklet. And I speak widely. All tools to help catalyze a movement to make discrimination on the basis of age as unacceptable as any other kind.

About the Book

Buy the book

From childhood on, we’re barraged by messages that it’s sad to be old. That wrinkles are embarrassing, and old people useless. Author and activist Ashton Applewhite believed them too—until she realized where this prejudice comes from and the damage it does. Lively, funny, and deeply researched, This Chair Rocks traces Applewhite’s journey from apprehensive boomer to pro-aging radical, and in the process debunks myth after myth about late life. The book explains the roots of ageism—in history and in our own age denial—and how it divides and debases, examines how ageist myths and stereotypes cripple the way our brains and bodies function, looks at ageism in the workplace and the bedroom, exposes the cost of the all-American myth of independence, critiques the portrayal of olders as burdens to society, describes what an all-age-friendly world would look like, and concludes with a rousing call to action. Whether you’re older or hoping to get there, this book will shake you by the shoulders, cheer you up, make you mad, and change the way you see the rest of your life. Age pride!

Wow. This book totally rocks. It arrived on a day when I was in deep confusion and sadness about my age—62. Everything about it, from my invisibility to my neck. Within four or five wise, passionate pages, I had found insight, illumination and inspiration. I never use the word empower, but this book has empowered me.

ANNE LAMOTT, New York Times best-selling author

Along comes Ashton Applewhite with a book we have been waiting for. Anti-ageism now boasts a popular champion, activist, and epigrammatist in the lineage of Martial and Dorothy Parker. Until This Chair Rocks we haven’t had a single compact book that blows up myths seven to a page like fireworks.

LOS ANGELES REVIEW OF BOOKS

 

“Ashton Applewhite is the Malcolm Gladwell of ageism.”
-JAMES BECKFORD SAUNDERS, CEO, Australian Association of Gerontology

Vibrant, energetic, fact-filled and funny, This Chair Rocks is a call to arms not just for older people but for our whole society.

KATHA POLLITT, poet, essayist, and Nation columnist

Sometimes a writer does us all a great favor and switches on a light. Snap! The darkness vanishes and, in its place we find an electric vision of new ways of living. I want to live in a world where ageism is just a memory, and This Chair Rocks illuminates the path.

DR. BILL THOMAS, founder of Changing Aging

This Chair Rocks is radical, exuberant, and full of all sorts of facts that erase many of the myths and beliefs about late life. As Applewhite defines and describes ageism, new ways of seeing and being in the world emerge, empowering everyone to see things as they really are.

LAURIE ANDERSON, artist

A knowledgeable, straight-talking, and witty book that briskly explains to anyone how-wrong-we-are-about-aging. There’s radical news here to enlighten the most “done” starlet, and
tart turns of phrase to captivate the most expert age critic: ‘All aging is “successful”—not just the sporty version—otherwise you’re dead.’ This pithy primer ought ideally to be given to every American adolescent—to inoculate them against the lies and stereotypes that can spoil the long life course they will all want.

Margaret Morganroth Gullette, author of Aged by Culture and the prize-winning Agewise and Declining to Decline

Ashton Applewhite is a visionary whose time has come, tackling one of the most persistent biases of our day with originality, verve, and humor. Her magic formula of naming and shaming may just shake all of us out of complacency and it into action. Whether you relate through being older now or recognize that aging is in your future, this is one of the most important books you’ll ever read.

Marc Freedman, CEO of Encore.org and author of The Big Shift: Navigating the New Life Stage Before Midlife

A smart and stirring call to add ageism to the list of ‘isms’ that divide us, and to mobilize against it. Applewhite shows how ageism distorts our view of old age, and urges us to challenge age- based prejudices in ourselves and in society. An important wake-up call for any baby boomer who’s apprehensive about growing old.

Pepper Schwartz, Professor of Sociology, University of Washington and AARP’s Official Love & Relationship Ambassador

This Chair Rocks is a 2016 Foreword INDIES Winnerin Adult Nonfiction!

Smart, sassy and oh so wise.

AARP

Finally, a take-down of the last acceptable prejudice. Applewhite eloquently and expertly exposes the structural discrimination that makes growing older so much harder than it should be—not just for the white, affluent, healthy, and able-bodied, but for women, people of color, people with disabilities, and poor people. Full of treasures, This Chair Rocks should be required reading for everyone in aging services, to help us confront ageism in our personal and professional lives and join forces against it. As Applewhite writes, ‘It’s time for Age Pride.’

Donna Corrado, Commissioner, NYC Department for the Aging

An eloquent and well-researched exposé of the prejudice that feeds age bias, and a passionate argument to mobilize against it. This must-read book is also a fun-read for every age.

Stephanie Coontz, author, The Way We Never Were: American Families and the Nostalgia Trap

To live agefully – what a wonderful word! With warmth, wit and clarity, Ashton Applewhite explains what it means, while never falling into age-denial or age-shame. This is a book packed with provocative and liberating ideas, to make you leap into the air with pleasure – even if your knees, like mine, are a little dodgy.

Anne Karpf, author of How to Age


Blog

Readers are encouraged to distribute, remix, and tweak this material! Please credit This Chair Rocks/
Ashton Applewhite

Thrilled and honored to be one of the Healthy Ageing 50

So this happened. Yesterday the Decade of Healthy Aging (a collaboration between the UN and the WHO) announced The Healthy Ageing 50: Government, civil society, industry and academic leaders transforming the world to be a better place in which to grow older. Incredibly, I’m one of them.

It takes a lot to bring me to tears, but the last line of my gorgeous profile did the job: "Ashton Applewhite shows us that a world for all ages is indeed possible if we recognise the potential within each of us, speak truth to power, and stand together as one.” Now I can get hit by a bus. Just kidding about the bus.

Guest Post: What's the best way to respond to an ageist comment?

That question comes my way all the time, whether via my Yo, Is This Ageist? blog or during Old School's weekly Office Hours meet-ups. (Here's how to join us.) So when journalist and author Phil Moeller obtained some really good answers from some people I greatly respect, I asked permission to run his article as a guest post. A slightly longer version first appeared on his Substack, Get What's Yours.

There was another study out recently about pervasive ageism. This one dealt with the wording in employment ads. I was going to write yet another angry piece about yet another example of the poor treatment of older people. But why bother? We already know such behavior exists. Besides, what’s an older person to do about it?

Pushing back against societal behavior is nearly impossible for most people. Pushing back against an individual who engages in ageist language or behavior might be another matter. So I decided to seek out some advice from a terrific group of age-related researchers and writers about effective one-on-one responses for older people who experience discriminatory behavior. What works? And could they give me a couple of examples?

To break the ice, I led off with my own example. When I was in rehab for a knee replacement, I had a competent and very likable physical therapist. We talked about a lot of things other than the torture she was inflicting on my new knee joint. One day, she greeted me with: “How are you doing today, young man?”

Of course, my alarms sounded loudly. But I doubted a direct and aggressive response would change her behavior. So, I said, “I’m fine, but I’m afraid I’ll have to report you to the Aging Police.” As I hoped, she asked why, and I was able to explain – quietly, I hope – why I found her greeting inappropriate. I think she listened and, I hope, did not repeat this greeting to other older patients.

With that, here’s what my admittedly self-selected group said. First, some introductions. Here are the people who kindly shared their time and expertise:

Ashton Applewhite is an anti-ageism advocate and the author of “This Chair Rocks: A Manifesto Against Ageism.”

Geriatrician, writer, educator, and professor Louise Aronson is the author of Elderhood: Redefining Aging, Transforming Medicine, and Reimagining Life.

The managing editor for more than a decade at Next Avenue, Rich Eisenberg is now podcasting, freelance writing and teaching digital media in "unretirement."

Celebrated cultural critic Margaret Morganroth Gullette is a resident scholar at Brandeis University and the author of Ending Ageism, or How Not To Shoot People.

Kerry Hannon has written for major news outlets and is currently a senior columnist for Yahoo! Finance. Her latest book is In Control at 50+: How to Succeed in the New World of Work.

Tech industry veteran, writer, speaker and elder care advocate Laurie M. Orlov is the founder of Aging and Health Technology Watch.

And here is what they said:

Applewhite: I think the best, all-purpose answer to an ageist comment is, “What do you mean by that?” Ask it in a neutral tone — is your goal to shame or to change? — and then just wait. There's always an underlying assumption on the basis of age, and you can always point out that plenty of other people the same age don't behave like that/ look that way/ talk like that / etc.

You can find more examples on my Yo, Is This Ageist? blog.

Aronson: It’s hard to know where to begin, so some random thoughts:

Responding with anger or insult just puts people’s hackles up

Using “I” phrases helps since we all own our own feelings

Best to start by with a pause and some generosity: “Sorry to interrupt, but I just need to point something out. I think you know how much I like/respect/etc you and that’s why I want to tell you that what you just said felt hurtful/insulting/etc. And I know that’s not what you meant. Lots of people do the same thing and most mean well but most of us who are old find those comments offensive/condescending.”

Great if you can explain why: "I’m not a baby, speaking to me in a baby voice is demeaning." Or "I have trouble hearing but my brain is working just fine." Or "We both know I’m old, when you pretend otherwise you suggest that being old is a bad thing and it’s not. Bodily changes have their disappointments but, on average, older people are happier and more satisfied with their lives than young people."

For other scenarios, there’s a similar start. “I’m sorry but I need to stop you there. I’m right here and it feels like you’re talking about me rather than to me. I know that was probably unconscious so I wanted to point it out since there’s no age at which being talked over like that feels good. Can we start again?”

Eisenberg: In my life, sometimes I am about to start interviewing someone who knows my background and who says: “I thought you were retired!” I respond that I retired from my full-time job, but I didn’t retire from life. I go on to say I am retiring the way many are these days: working part-time doing what I enjoy, using new free time to volunteer, mentor, travel and spend time with my wife. 

Gullette: Margaret shared links to three pieces she’s written that include many potentially effective responses and strategies, although they don’t lend themselves to snappy one-liners.

Ageism Ignores And Insults The Competence Of Adults.”

“Fight Ageism By Retiring The Offensive Metaphor, 'Getting Old’ ”.

"Ramping Up," about how building a ramp at my summer house solved a problem that went deeper than we knew.

Hannon: Ageism is alive and well in the workplace and deeply engrained in our culture. One of the best ways to fight back against ageism is to be physically fit. It's a fact of life that we judge people on their cover. “Lookism.” I can't tell you how many jobseekers over 50 ask me if they should get botox or dye their hair to hide the gray. It's top of mind. I always say, sure if it makes you feel better and more confident. But the best way to fight ageism is to get physically fit.

I don't mean bench pressing or running fast miles. But rather incorporate a fitness program into your daily life and eat with an eye to nutrition. That might mean walking your dog a few miles a day like I do, or swimming and so forth. When you're physically fit, you exude a can-do attitude, you have energy and a positive vibe. People want to be around you. They want you on their team. They want to be your client. It is subliminal.

Orlov: I was in a medical office, and the receptionist spoke loudly to everyone who approached their desk, regardless of whether they gave any indication of being hearing-impaired. Just say – and not in a loud voice – there’s no need to shout. I have perfect hearing.

There’s more

Other Writing by
Ashton Applewhite

Let’s Climb Out of The Generation Trap

Let’s Climb Out of The Generation Trap

June 29, 2021

Link here.

Reflections on the Plague Year From an Anti-Ageism Activist

Reflections on the Plague Year From an Anti-Ageism Activist

March 15, 2021

Link here.

Defeating the Pandemic Means Confronting Ageism and Ableism

Defeating the Pandemic Means Confronting Ageism and Ableism

March 26, 2020

Link here.

Beating age discrimination

Beating age discrimination

May 1, 2019

Article in The Big Issue

An Essay by Ashton Applewhite

An Essay by Ashton Applewhite

March 14, 2019

Article on Books Inc.

There’s more

Yo, Is This Ageist?

(Go ahead, ask me.)

There’s more

Appearances

My We Are All Aging talk explains the roots of ageism – in society and in our own age denial – how it divides and diminishes us, and ends with a rousing call to mobilize against it. This Chair Rocks: How Ageism Warps Our View of Long Life charts my journey from apprehensive boomer to pro-aging radical and proposes an alternative to all the hand-wringing: wake up, cheer up, and push back. Aging While Female, Reimagined describes how the double whammy of ageism and sexism makes aging different for women, and what we can do about it. I also speak about the medicalization of old age, ageism and elder abuse, and how to reframe the new longevity in order to make the most of longer lives. To book me for your event, please contact the Lavin Agency.

What People Are Saying:

I was encouraged by the statistics you quoted, forced to acknowledge my own ageist thoughts, and ultimately fired up to fight them in myself and others. You are on to something big!

Sarah Meredith, painter

Why can’t we stop ageism? Good question. For some answers, start looking in the mirror and look around you. For a good dialogue on the subject, visit Ashton Applewhite’s website, This Chair Rocks.

Harry R. Moody, Director of Academic Affairs, AARP

Consciousness-raising at its sharpest and most useful.

David Watts Barton, journalist and playwright

This Chair Rocks confirms our knowledge that emotional well being is abundant in later life, challenges us to face our own internalized ageism, and inspires us to envision a future in which our society is released from age-related prejudice and discrimination. And it’s fun, too!

Geriatric Mental Health Alliance of New York

Holistic, deep, urgent, and also fun.

Lenelle Moise, playwright and performer

All practitioners working with older adults need to be informed about the pernicious influences of ageism. Nobody does this better than Ashton Applewhite. Her thinking is deep, her passion infectious, and her cogent message is spot on: we urgently need to have a national conversation about ageism to raise awareness about it and to stop it.

Risa Breckman, LCSW, Executive Director, NYC Elder Abuse Center

You have found a fantastic mission: raising consciousness that older is far better than the stereotype that enslaves us all.

Jennifer Siebens, producer, CBS News

Ashton Applewhite’s plenary address at the 2013 New York State Adult Abuse Training Institute was compelling and original, and really resonated with our 400 participants. She is an articulate and committed voice for an important cause: challenging the demoralizing shadow that ageism casts across society.

Jean Callahan, Director, Brookdale Center for Healthy Aging

Octogenarians are the fastest-growing segment of our population, yet most Americans are scared stiff at the prospect of growing old. [Applewhite’s work] is a welcome and important tonic.

Dr. Robert Butler, founding director of the National Institute on Aging, coiner of the term “ageism”

We need an anti-ageist movement, for sure. Ashton is already in it.

Margaret Morganroth Gullette, author of Agewise and Aged by Culture

A beautifully delivered, provocative description of how ageism clouds our vision of what life holds in store.

Sabrina Hamilton, director, Ko Festival for the Arts

Ashton Applewhite is on a crusade. A journalist and author, her mission is to raise awareness of ageism in America and get people young and old to join her in speaking out against it.

Senior Planet

Thank you again for your terrific keynote yesterday. I heard from so many attendees that it affected them deeply. You are wise, funny, and provocative – a great combination!

Teresa Bonner, Program Director, Aroha Philanthropies

Upcoming Appearances

keynote, Marin Aging Action Initiative annual convening

Where: San Rafael, CA

When: September 29, 2022 09:30 am

More info: Details pending here.

webinar, British Standards Institution

Where: virtual

When: October 3, 2022 08:30 am

More info: Webinar on Supporting the wellbeing of people throughout their career. Free. Register here.

speaker, National Congress of Geriatrics and Gerontology, Chile

Where: virtual

When: October 7, 2022 08:30 am

More info: XXVI National Congress of Geriatrics and Gerontology: Aging in Chile: Global changes and local challenges. Details here.

Course instruction, OLLI at UVA

Where: virtual

When: October 8, 2022 01:00 pm

More info: Osher Lifelong Learning Institute (OLLI) at University of Virginia (UVA). Details pending here.

keynote, Medical Group Management Association annual conference

Where: Boston, MA

When: October 11, 2022 11:00 am

More info: The event convenes administrative, clinical and business leaders of medical groups in America who are stewards for care giving organizations across the US.

keynote, Optum/United Health Group

Where: virtual

When: October 12, 2022 11:00 am

More info:

talk, Inspir Senior Residence

Where: NY, NY

When: October 13, 2022 04:00 pm

More info: Details pending

speaker, Sage-ing International program

Where: virtual

When: October 18, 2022 11:30 am

More info: Details here.

keynote, Age Equity 2022 Fall Forum

Where: virtual

When: October 18, 2022 12:00 pm

More info: Register at Age Equity Alliance here.

Advocacy webinar for RTOERO

Where: virtual

When: October 19, 2022 01:00 pm

More info: RTOERO is Canada's largest provider of non-profit group health insurance for retired education-sector workers. Free. Register here.

keynote, This is Long Term Care, Ontario Long-Term Care Association

Where: Virtual

When: October 24, 2022 09:30 am

More info: Register here. The Ontario Long-Term Care Association represents almost 70% of the province's long-term care homes.

Ageism from the Inside Out and from the Outside In

Where: virtual

When: October 24, 2022 11:00 am

More info: A conversation with Dr. Connie Zweig, who discusses how to break free of our unconscious "inner ageist" in her most recent book, The Inner Work of Age: Shifting from Role to Soul. Connie and I will explore why a world of longer lives calls for both inner work and social activism. Sponsored by Humanity Rising, an online, daily, international broadcast. Free and open to the public. Register here for links to each day's event.

talk, University of North Carolina at Charlotte

Where: McKnight Auditorium

When: October 25, 2022 06:00 pm

More info: Ashton Applewhite will discuss "Ageism: The Overlooked Intersection." The event is sponsored by the UNC Charlotte Office of Diversity and Inclusion, UNC Charlotte Gerontology Program, Centralina Area Agency on Aging, Southminster, Gamma Psi chapter of Sigma Phi Omega, UNC Charlotte Department of Sociology, UNC Charlotte Office of Interdisciplinary Studies, and UNC Wilmington College of Health & Human Services.  Open to the public; details here.

presentation, Central Asia Nobel Fest Live

Where: virtual.

When: October 28, 2022 08:00 am

More info:

Nobel Fest unites more than 500k participants, and 500 universities from 155 states. The event is hosted in a hybrid format from Kazakhstan, Uzbekistan, Georgia, China, and Germany and broadcasted online. Details pending.

Q&A with the Nashua Public Library

Where: virtual

When: November 2, 2022 03:30 pm

More info: Program starts at 3:30 with videos and discussion; I'll come on at 4:15.  Free and open to the public; link to come.

speaker, The Transitional Network NYC

Where: virtual

When: November 17, 2022 06:00 pm

More info: TTN-NYC's Third Thursday event. Details pending

speaker, RiverWoods Exeter

Where: virtual

When: January 24, 2023 12:00 am

More info: Details pending.

ASA Aging in America Conference 2023

Where: Atlanta Hyatt Regency, Atlanta, Georgia

When: March 27, 2023 12:00 am

More info:

ASA Expert Panel and Book Signing with Tracey Gendron.  Details to come.

 

Past Appearances

Media

podcast, In Transit with Sundae Bean

podcast, In Transit with Sundae Bean

September 12, 2022

Link here.

interview, Madame Figaro

interview, Madame Figaro

September 5, 2022

Link here.

podcast, Getting Real about Ageism on Art Pro Net

podcast, Getting Real about Ageism on Art Pro Net

August 12, 2022

Link here.

webinar, UN DESA for International Youth Day

webinar, UN DESA for International Youth Day

August 11, 2022

Link here.

podcast, Top of Mind with Julie Rose on BYU Radio

podcast, Top of Mind with Julie Rose on BYU Radio

July 4, 2022

Link here.

There’s more

Resources



You’ll find many more resources on Old School, a clearinghouse of free and carefully vetted blogs, books, articles, videos, speakers, and other tools (workshops, handouts, curricula etc.) to educate people about ageism and help dismantle it.

Video

On YouTube

 

Keynote address at the United Nations
6 October 2016

Talk at Future Trends Forum in Madrid
1 December 2017

Talk at the Library of Congress
25 October 2016

What Is Ageism?

Ageism is stereotyping and discrimination on the basis of a person’s age. We experience it any time someone assumes that we’re “too old” for something—a task, a haircut, a relationship—instead of finding out who we are and what we’re capable of. Or “too young;” ageism cuts both ways, although in a youth-obsessed society olders bear the brunt of it.

Like racism and sexism, ageism serves a social and economic purpose: to legitimize and sustain inequalities between groups. It’s not about how we look. It’s about how people in power assign meaning to how we look.

Stereotyping—the assumption that all members of a group are the same—underlies ageism (as it does all “isms”). Stereotyping is always a mistake, but especially when it comes to age, because the older we get, the more different from one another we become.

Attitudes about age—as well as race and gender—start to form in early childhood. Over a lifetime they harden into a set of truths: “just the way it is.” Unless we challenge ageist stereotypes—Old people are incompetent. Wrinkles are ugly. It’s sad to be old—we feel shame and embarrassment instead of taking pride in the accomplishment of aging. That’s internalized ageism.

By blinding us to the benefits of aging and heightening our fears, ageism makes growing older far harder than it has to be. It damages our sense of self, segregates us, diminishes our prospects, and actually shortens lives.

What are the antidotes?

  •    Awareness: the critical starting point is to acknowledge our own prejudices about age and aging. (Download a copy of Who me, Ageist? How to Start a Consciousness Raising Group.) Then we can start to see that “personal problems”—such as not being able to get a job or being belittled or feeling patronized—are actually widely shared social problems that require collective action.
  •    Integration: connect with people of all ages. An equitable society for all ages requires intergenerational collaboration.
  •    Activism: watch for ageist behaviors and attitudes in and around us, challenge them, and create language and models that support every stage of life.

Bio

I didn’t set out to become a writer. I went into publishing because I loved to read and didn’t have any better ideas. I had a weakness for the kind of jokes that make you cringe and guffaw at the same time, my boss kept telling me to write them down, and the collection turned into the best-selling paperback of 1982. I was a clue on “Jeopardy” (“Who is the author of Truly Tasteless Jokes?” Answer: “Blanche Knott.”), and as Blanche made publishing history by occupying four of the fifteen spots on the New York Times bestseller list.

My first serious book, Cutting Loose: Why Women Who End Their Marriages Do So Well, was published by HarperCollins in 1997. Ms. magazine called it “rocket fuel for launching new lives,” and it landed me on Phyllis Schlafly’s Eagle Forum enemies list. It also got me invited to join the board of the nascent Council on Contemporary Families, a group of distinguished family scholars. I belonged to the Artist’s Network of Refuse & Resist group that originated the anti-Iraq-invasion slogan and performance pieces titled “Our Grief is Not a Cry for War.” As a contributing editor of IEEE Spectrum magazine, I went to Laos to cover a village getting internet access via a bicycle-powered computer. I was on staff at the American Museum of Natural History for 17 years, where I wrote about everything under the Sun, quitting in 2017 to become a full-time activist.

The catalyst for Cutting Loose was puzzlement: why was our notion of women’s lives after divorce (visualize depressed dame on barstool) so different from the happy and energized reality? A similar question gave rise to This Chair Rocks: why is our view of late life so unrelievedly grim when the lived reality is so different? I began blogging about aging and ageism in 2007 and started speaking on the subject in July, 2012, which is also when I started the Yo, Is This Ageist? blog.

During this time I’ve been recognized by the New York Times, National Public Radio, the New Yorker, and the American Society on Aging as an expert on ageism and named as a Fellow by the Knight Foundation, the New York Times, Yale Law School, and the Royal Society for the Arts; I’ve written for Harper’s, the Guardian, and the New York Times; and I speak widely, at venues that have ranged from universities and community centers to the Library of Congress and the United Nations. In 2017 I received a standing ovation for my talk at TED 2017, their mainstage event in Vancouver. I’ve received numerous awards for my work, most recently being named by the Decade of Healthy Aging (a collaboration between the UN and the WHO) as one of the Healthy Ageing 50—”fifty leaders working to transform the world to be a better place to grow older.”

I co-founded the Old School Anti-Ageism Clearinghouse. We curate, create, and commission free resources to educate people about ageism and how to end it, host meet-ups for age advocates; and collaborate with other pro-aging organizations.

This Chair Rocks: A Manifesto Against Ageism was published in March, 2019 by Celadon Books, a new division of Macmillan, Inc.

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